‘Tamagotchi children’ are the future of parenting we deserve

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Humanity is edging ever-closer to extinction, but don’t worry — the tech lords have deigned to save us. Elon Musk, for instance, wants to take us to a Martian colony. Sure, many will perish on the journey, but the survivors can enjoy a nightmarish existence, which they’ll fund through indentured labor on the hellscape. Yes. There will be a lot of jobs on Mars! — Elon Musk (@elonmusk) January 17, 2020 Peter Thiel, meanwhile, will extend children’s lives by giving them blood transfusions. Wait, that’s not quite right — he actually plans to inject himself with children’s blood. The kids…

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